I'm still stuck in this stupid rut...it has such a frippin magnetic attraction to me that everytime I manage to climb out of it, I am compelled to jump back inside again, feed myself wih this delicious poison over and Over and OVER again...

I reach for things I know I can never attain...yet can I ever stop dreaming of that thing so out of his reach??? Ceaseless thoughts about something so beautiful, so comforting, so utopian...how ironic that such thoughts would provide me with the overflowing joy and happiness that it would provide others, but crushing doubts and insecurities on what time would hold in store for me...Ahh, time, blessed guardian angel and sole companion in the storms of life, now turned most masterful torturer rivalled only by the lethality of the poison-laced arrows fired by the devil named Cupid, that strike the most vulnerable part of the body which can never be protected, yet whose death or loss causes the injured to want to lie, down in the dust where he came from, wasting away in futile dreams, and hope he wll one day be redeemed by the scythe of the reaper-one of the few probable remedies that exist for something as crazy as this...

我现在才懂得，
幸福是我的，不是你给的，
寂寞由自己负责...

Translation: I now know that happiness is mine to find; not yours to give, and that loneliness solved by yourself alone... My head has understood this fact for a very long time. And in times like this, my heart needs to as well.

Will try to resume normal blogging soon...