Bus Rants
Upon request by fellow blogger Raymond to continue blogging, I've decided to give a short post before I present additional information pertaining to my research in Christianity. I am seriously honoured that this has actually attracted some positive attention. A big thank you to all my supporters out there!!! ^_^
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Anyay, right now I wish to complain about something that has irked me immensely. For having to spend at LEAST 3 hours day on these monstrous machines 5 days a week, having to tolerate their eccentricities DAY IN DAY OUT it beginning to get quite annoying. So I present to you all a rant that I have been meaning to do for quite some time...on BUSES!!! And I will warn you now that there will be times in which I am going to get retarded.
Once in a while, I read on other's blogs on how weird the people on Singapore's buses can get. Now, London buses usually do not have weird people. The driver, however, is another issue altogether. And normally, it would not matter to me how eccentric one is. But when one is SO eccentric that his eccentricity makes one's journeying time annoyingly LONG, it DOES. And below, I list for you the most annoying habits that I have spotted London bus drivers posessing...
1)The Doormat Drivers
Everyone likes a doormat driver.Traffic police love him for abiding ever so strictly to traffic regulations, and his fellow road users even more for ALWAYS giving them the right of way. That of course in itself isn't at all bad, but if you actually STOP when you're not supposed to, you waste a whole lot of time, for yourself and the people around you, but save a few seconds of someone else's time. My friend, if YOU want to be a doormat because you life smelling everyone's feet on your face, please do so. But please do NOT do it when you are NOT driving alone!!!
2) The people with the strange sexual tastes
A highly passionate group of people who will stop at absolutely NOTHING to show their undying love for their object of desire, hence more often than not interfering immensely with their driving. Two groups exist, as detailed below...
a) Laneophiles
Great and immeasurable is the power of love indeed. For this group of people, getting hit by what must be one of Cupid's wonkiest arrows appears to have given them extraordinarily superhuman powers. For one of their senses-either their sense of touch or sight-is EXTREMELY finely-tuned. I mean, when you and I look at a road, we are unable to tell, even if we are given time to analyse them, the differences between one lane and another! Neither will we be able to feel the differences in vibrations caused by minute differences in the layout of the stones of one lane and another. Laneophiles, however, are able to do this! Why!? Because what else can cause them to stick ever so faithfully to just ONE lane-no matter how clogged-up that lane is!? They must be able to see sometihing awfully SPECIAL in the unique yet random arrangement of stones in that lane, or at least enjoy particularly the vibrations caused by travelling along them. And to be able to pick out such small differences as they driving!? I mean, like WOW!!! Razor-sharp eyes they have to pick it out to be able to see each pebble for its exact location! Extra sensitive Gluteus Maximi they must have to be able to detect the differences in vibrations that they cause to an object that is so mjuch bigger than it! And to actually find something to LIKE about all these differences!? Definitely a task a bit too difficult for mere mortals like us. Yet one must undoubtedly wonder-why do people with such powers have to become mere bus-drivers?! Enigmatic and unfanthomable is the power of love as well.....
b)Redophiles
Unlike laneophiles, redophiles do not have superhuman powers. Yet their sexual orientation is no less dubious. Because redophiles, as you may have guessed, are in desperate love with the colour RED. Look around and you will discover exactly how a lecher may act around his object of desire. He/she will go out of his way to get a glimpse of thm/her, and redophiles are no exception. And I have noticed that to them, the most attractive red is the shade emitted from TRAFFIC LIGHTS. Thus, if a traffic light is red when they approach it, they will stop to look(Duh!). If, however, a traffic light is green, they will deliberately SLOW DOWN as they approach the traffic light! Because we know and they know that after a certain period of time, a GREEN light will soon change RED. Thus, in hopes of seeing their crush, they are desperately hoping and praying that the light will change before they pass it! They can't stop at a green light, you see, because that will reveal exactly how desperate a redophile they are. And being someone who so loves the colour red is not exactly very good for one's social image! Neither will Ken Livingstone, Mayor for London Transport, want to employ people who will slow down all the buses. Thus lest they reveal their dubious passions, they need to show them in the most inconspicuous ways possible.
But look. Don't you pity those poor redophiles, suffering day by day from the torments of unrequited love!? What they need is something that can RESPOND. So red...hmm...say, why doesn't someone bring them a REDDLEMAN, say DIGGORY VENN!? (Return of the Native anyone?) They are covered in red! That way, redophiles can drive their buses in peace. Indeed, because they won't want to disappoint their newfound love, they'll NOT want to see red, thus causing them to actually dash past traffic lights before they change red! And when they get home, they can truly enjoy the fullness of a relationship with red that they have longed for all this while...
That's all I deemed noteworthy for now. On a side note, however, one thing I think commuters have to be thankful for is the fact that GREENOPHILES still, thankfully enough, do not exist-yet. But anyway it seems a short post becomes a really long one. My personal apologies for any brain cells of yours that this seriously retarded entry may have destroyed. Will be back with all my research on Christianity soon. Till then, ciao!
Once in a while, I read on other's blogs on how weird the people on Singapore's buses can get. Now, London buses usually do not have weird people. The driver, however, is another issue altogether. And normally, it would not matter to me how eccentric one is. But when one is SO eccentric that his eccentricity makes one's journeying time annoyingly LONG, it DOES. And below, I list for you the most annoying habits that I have spotted London bus drivers posessing...
1)The Doormat Drivers
Everyone likes a doormat driver.Traffic police love him for abiding ever so strictly to traffic regulations, and his fellow road users even more for ALWAYS giving them the right of way. That of course in itself isn't at all bad, but if you actually STOP when you're not supposed to, you waste a whole lot of time, for yourself and the people around you, but save a few seconds of someone else's time. My friend, if YOU want to be a doormat because you life smelling everyone's feet on your face, please do so. But please do NOT do it when you are NOT driving alone!!!
2) The people with the strange sexual tastes
A highly passionate group of people who will stop at absolutely NOTHING to show their undying love for their object of desire, hence more often than not interfering immensely with their driving. Two groups exist, as detailed below...
a) Laneophiles
Great and immeasurable is the power of love indeed. For this group of people, getting hit by what must be one of Cupid's wonkiest arrows appears to have given them extraordinarily superhuman powers. For one of their senses-either their sense of touch or sight-is EXTREMELY finely-tuned. I mean, when you and I look at a road, we are unable to tell, even if we are given time to analyse them, the differences between one lane and another! Neither will we be able to feel the differences in vibrations caused by minute differences in the layout of the stones of one lane and another. Laneophiles, however, are able to do this! Why!? Because what else can cause them to stick ever so faithfully to just ONE lane-no matter how clogged-up that lane is!? They must be able to see sometihing awfully SPECIAL in the unique yet random arrangement of stones in that lane, or at least enjoy particularly the vibrations caused by travelling along them. And to be able to pick out such small differences as they driving!? I mean, like WOW!!! Razor-sharp eyes they have to pick it out to be able to see each pebble for its exact location! Extra sensitive Gluteus Maximi they must have to be able to detect the differences in vibrations that they cause to an object that is so mjuch bigger than it! And to actually find something to LIKE about all these differences!? Definitely a task a bit too difficult for mere mortals like us. Yet one must undoubtedly wonder-why do people with such powers have to become mere bus-drivers?! Enigmatic and unfanthomable is the power of love as well.....
b)Redophiles
Unlike laneophiles, redophiles do not have superhuman powers. Yet their sexual orientation is no less dubious. Because redophiles, as you may have guessed, are in desperate love with the colour RED. Look around and you will discover exactly how a lecher may act around his object of desire. He/she will go out of his way to get a glimpse of thm/her, and redophiles are no exception. And I have noticed that to them, the most attractive red is the shade emitted from TRAFFIC LIGHTS. Thus, if a traffic light is red when they approach it, they will stop to look(Duh!). If, however, a traffic light is green, they will deliberately SLOW DOWN as they approach the traffic light! Because we know and they know that after a certain period of time, a GREEN light will soon change RED. Thus, in hopes of seeing their crush, they are desperately hoping and praying that the light will change before they pass it! They can't stop at a green light, you see, because that will reveal exactly how desperate a redophile they are. And being someone who so loves the colour red is not exactly very good for one's social image! Neither will Ken Livingstone, Mayor for London Transport, want to employ people who will slow down all the buses. Thus lest they reveal their dubious passions, they need to show them in the most inconspicuous ways possible.
But look. Don't you pity those poor redophiles, suffering day by day from the torments of unrequited love!? What they need is something that can RESPOND. So red...hmm...say, why doesn't someone bring them a REDDLEMAN, say DIGGORY VENN!? (Return of the Native anyone?) They are covered in red! That way, redophiles can drive their buses in peace. Indeed, because they won't want to disappoint their newfound love, they'll NOT want to see red, thus causing them to actually dash past traffic lights before they change red! And when they get home, they can truly enjoy the fullness of a relationship with red that they have longed for all this while...
That's all I deemed noteworthy for now. On a side note, however, one thing I think commuters have to be thankful for is the fact that GREENOPHILES still, thankfully enough, do not exist-yet. But anyway it seems a short post becomes a really long one. My personal apologies for any brain cells of yours that this seriously retarded entry may have destroyed. Will be back with all my research on Christianity soon. Till then, ciao!
posted by harry_kinomoto at 11:16 am
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