More Incoherence

"Experience-life's most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn"-Mark Twain.

It certainly is true is in this case. I know I said that was my last post on it , but I can't really seem to help myself from thinking of the recent chaos that occured in my heart- its coming, its reaching a climax and its going. Yes, it's finally gone. I may have previously said that I was free, but it was freedom not from the shackles of love but rather from my own "mind-forged manacles" that arose due to my certainty that "we" would never work out. What then followed was for a drive to in some way "help" her-what I termed a "Diggory-esque" drive-the concept of the silent protector crap. Consisted of very secret plans to help her,mainly involved poems on the classroom door or carefully authored messages of consolation on her blog's tagboard. One of my tags still remain on her blog but I doubt she actually read it though. So all consuming was this "Diggory-esque" fervour that all my attentions were diverted towards it, including the attention I usually gave to this blog. Apologies to all my readers for ANOTHER long dearth in entries anyways! LOLZ, it takes MUCH more than things like that to do something for someone-a fact that I failed to realise in my disillusioned state. Well, that's love for you!!!

Well, one learns, indeed one learns. I learnt A LOT. A lot about the 3 things that differentiate living beings from empty shells-Life, Love and Learning.

I learnt about life-emotions, distractions, suffering, endurance, enjoyment, and generally how to make it less crappy and more worth your while. Looking back right now it looks much like some kind of adventure, what with the clandestine operations to discover secret information or early arrivals in school to put up dodgy poems. But indeed, NO HUMAN EMOTION CAN EVER HOPE TO COMPARE WITH LOVE. The surge of feelings that caused by something that is wired so intricately into the subconsciousness of us all, that is the most primal instinct of every living being. "The nobleness of life is in love"-hmm...well one must definitely not be another Antony and in the rush of love lose sight of the other things in life. But indeed, love, and you will live as you have never lived before!

I learnt about love. Not just unplatonic love but also platonic love from friends. I've said it before, I say it again-without these guys, the mental hospitals would be much fuller than they currently are. Have a look at the following conversation on MSN between me and one fine example, Sanhita Sejpal...
Me: Anyway thanks again for listening
Sanhita: dont u dare say that agen!!!!!
S: never say thanks ok!!
S: im ur friend!!
S: uw ud d the sme 4 me
S: nxt tyme tell me bout that site so i can see wat ur talkin bout (A/N-Other stuff)
Indeed...I suppose I wouldn't think too much about doing the same thing for you either, no...but the fact remains, my friend, that though along with us both there are alot of people on this world who could do it, there are some who don't and yet you do. So thank you, perhaps not necessarily for listening, but more importantly, for being your fantastic self.

I learnt even about learning itself. Perhaps that I learnt through the experiences and the like. Well, huamans are indeed evolutionarily desgined to learn from experience. And perhaps how to learn. My old Lit teacher from YJ Steven Sim was actually quite right to say if you want to do well in Lit, go get a boy/girlfriend! Start going through all the proposals, the anticipation, the rejection, the whole hog- you'll start failing all your other subjects, but you will start doing well in Lit! LOLZ-too true. I mean, its like right now, as I read Hardy's Return of the Native, I almost feel asif the bok was written for me. Almost every emotional conflict once described n that book, yeap...been there, done that!

I wonder if all of that actually made any sense at all. haha..perhap's I'm just rambling on and on about something I haven't even fully let go of? Don't know, can't be bothered to find out or think about it now. All I'll do is let time and God do their good work once more. Overall though I still think it was good not to confess. So many unpleasantries were averted from that, and she need not undergo the crap of remembering.

And as for you...would you at all come to read this, would you at actually discover that my crazy MSN nicks were all written with you in mind, would at all realise the true irony and how I shared your pain in not just unrequited love...or even if you don't to be honest...I realised how you are a reflection of my inner soul...and how your presence had taught me so much....and how I still want to be there for you should you ever require me! Yet I cannot know if my blind assistance would actually make things worse for you who probably have undergone more than I have...I depart from this boat, and can only hope and pray that time will work for you like it had for me. For indeed you like everyone else is designed not to be falsely happy, drowning yourself in your sorrows in a suffocating facade, but be truly happy, such that you can then spread your wings and let the world experience the power of your name...

Crapz...it's like 5am and I am still not asleep! Oh wells, good night everyone! Will blog more often from now on!!!